A Skylark Through the Films of 2022 in Limerick-ish Poems

All of the new releases I saw in 2022 ranked in order from most best to least best:

1. Everything Everywhere All At Once (Daniels)

There once was a family in distress
Their taxes and relationships a mess
But a surprise arrives
And bring new lives
A mother able to impress

2. The Menu (Mark Mylod)

There once was a chef so divine
His venue a island hard to find
Dinner takes a left turn
And all the guests learn
There was perhaps more than food on his mind

3. Don’t Worry Darling (Olivia Wilde)

There once was a perfect town
Where the men worked and the wives held the house down
But a seam appears
In the reality so dear
And perhaps he’s not the partner to have around

4. Cha Cha Real Smooth (Cooper Raiff)

There once was a young man quite lost
Starting parties, getting into the sauce
Finds a mom that he’s fond
With her daughter, a bond
In Jersey, learning love and loss

5. The Worst Person in the World (Joachim Trier)

There once was a young woman quite lost
Goes to parties, getting into the sauce
Finds a new fling
Drama it does bring
In Norway, learning love and loss

6. Men (Alex Garland)

There once was a woman who needed a break
Out to the wilderness she goes for a shake
A house quite perturbing
A guest very disturbing
A metaphor the ending doth make

7. Marcel the Shell with Shoes On (Dean Fleischer Camp)

There once was a shell with some shoes
Alone with a case of the blues
A new friend arrives
And together they thrive
An adorable adventure ensues

8. Honk for Jesus: Save Your Soul (Adamma Ebo)

There once was a mega-church priest
Who fell from grace with his epicurean feast
Clawing his way back he learns
With a wife and her concerns
Love for power can create quite a beast

9. Brian and Charles (Jim Archer)

There once was a tinkerer so clever
He sought to make his robot better
But when it comes alive
Their friendship begins to thrive
And the town sees a trendsetter

10. Bodies Bodies Bodies (Halina Reijn)

There once was a hurricane gathering
Reckless youth ingesting a smattering
But then one body falls
And the other trawls
To find who is doing the mattering

11. The Banshees of Inisherin (Martin McDonagh)

There once were two friends on an isle
Who began not to speak for a while
By choice for the one
The other having no fun
A finger given with no smile

12. Triangle of Sadness (Ruben Östlund)

The once was a boat full of riches
The cruse left the guests all in stitches
The one night a storm
Unexpected guests in the morn
And suddenly, the role switches

13. Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery (Rian Johnson)

There once was a very rich man
Who delights in reuniting his old clan
With one extra guest
Who passes the test
And unmasks his devious plan

14. Babylon (Damien Chazelle)

There once was a city exploding
With excitement and talent foreboding
But when sound comes to the screen
What does it all mean
For the parties, the people, unloading

15. Nope (Jordan Peele)

There once were two siblings, a pair
A house and a business near despair
And unexpected guest
Maybe their best
Shot to move on from there

16. Turning Red (Domee Shi)

There once was a girl coming of age
With parents who she doesn’t regard as sage
An ancient family tradition
Leaves her bug, fluffy, and hidden
Until they let familial love out of its cage

17. Thor: Love and Thunder (Taika Waititi)

There once was a Norse god in tights
In saving the world he delights
A new foe, an old friend
A group of youth on the mend
The guard changes while keeping its might

18. Black Panther: Wakanda Forever (Ryan Coogler)

There once was a land in transition
Without their king, aimless in mission
But a new foe arrives
In the water he thrives
To the heart of the people they must listen

19. RRR (S. S. Rajamouli)

There once were two men, lives apart
Brought together by a kidnapping close to heart
Different sides of the line
But they dance so divine
Nacho nacho nacho nacho to start

20. The Lost City (Adam Nee)

There once was a writer out of gas
Riding the wave of her success in the past
But she may have unearthed
A treasure to be birthed
Her cover model leaps to save her ass

21. Vengeance (B. J. Novak)

There once was a man without a spark
An unexpected family he meets on a lark
A new story emerges
From self-serving urges
Lots of audio but who is the mark

22. Top Gun: Maverick (Joseph Kosinski)

There once was a group of hot shots
Fly planes fast, fly planes lots
Whoosh! Zoom! Click, clack, clang!
Oof! No! Bzzzzzzzzzzz, Bang!
They manage to hit all their spots

23. Jackass Forever (Jeff Tremaine)

There once was a group of brave souls
Derive comedy from their physical tolls
They’re up their in age
But still have the stage
Down the hill the party still rolls

24. Emily the Criminal (John Patton Ford)

There once was a woman in need
Of some cash with relative speed
The underworld calls
For a man she falls
But in the end, who must bleed

25. The Outfit (Graham Moore)

There once was a man in a shop
Where some other people like to stop
To pick up and deliver
And he may take a sliver
Until the night where everything decides to pop

26. Bullet Train (David Leitch)

There once was a train moving fast
A mission a man needs to outlast
He meets some old friends
Bashes heads into ends
And still can’t outrun his past

27. jeen-yuhs (Coodie & Chike Ozah)

There once was a man close to ye
With all access till he can no longer play
For the highs and the lows
And all the biggest shows
But since this summer it’s kind of moot anyway

28. Menorah in the Middle (Jordan Kessler)

There once was a film truly reprehensive
Contrived plot and cliches so extensive
A colossal hack
Time I’ll never get back
To my taste, this movie is offensive

Slam Zuckert is a municipal bureaucrat emeritus. He sees a lot of movies and reads a lot of books and sometimes writes about them. His favorite movie is There Will Be Blood, his favorite mathematician is Georg Cantor, and his least favorite mathematician is Leopold Kronecker.